Expat Mums Blog

When in Rome

When the military gave my husband the assignment to the UK, I was absolutely thrilled. It was a chance to change our life and live outside our comfort zones, experience another culture and give our kids the experience of living abroad on the governments dime. Unfortunately I didn't realize there isn't a manual for moving oversea provided by the government. Basically, they buy the airline tickets, take care of your visas and passports, provide you lodging until you can sort out your housing situation, tell you some interesting places to visit and send you on your way. Helpful, but it all leaves you with your head spinning, feeling like you have landed on an alien planet with no sense of direction.

Becoming Bosnian, Staying English

Signs we have been in Bosnia for a loooong time and there may be some readjustment required before entry back into the UK:

1. When the traffic lights go green, my first instinct is now to hoot the horn, then to put the car in gear.

2. Pedestrians, what are they? (in my defence, if you take the definition of safe driving to be driving in a way that people expect you to, then stopping to let pedestrians cross the road does constitute dangerous driving as people will go into the back of you).

3. When I look out of the window and see some metal poles in the garden opposite, my first thought isn't ooo, look, football goalposts, it is oooo, look, a place to bash carpets.

Accidentally Causing Offence

Why is it that when learning a new language, the only words that are easily remembered are the swear words? Which means of course that you are left with a load of ways to be rude to people, admittedly helpful whilst driving in Bosnia but not ideal when you are trying to exchange pleasantries and ingratiate yourself into the nursery gate club.

The thing that I have noticed is that not only do I know the swear words, but I frequently get them muddled up with other, every day words. So I’ll be chattering away, massacring their language in a very British way with everyone smiling indulgently at my efforts and then, suddenly, their eyebrows fly through the roof and I realise that once again my Bosnian Tourettes syndrome has struck.

There is no queue in Hungarian

I have to admit it, I am a British person to the core of my being.  Living away from the UK for over a year has finally taught me this.  There are a lot of British cultural traits/ modes of behaviour that I can do without, queuing is not one of them.  I have always been a stickler for queue etiquette- waiting my turn even when the Kids were desperate for the loo and the sensible thing would have been to push in.  If someone pushed in front in a queue I would tut tut, mutter, or sometimes when I was feeling brave actually say something.  This is not something that I can do in Hungary.  For a start there is not a letter Q in Hungarian.  Some foreign words seem to have sneaked in here like "quick" but when they appear they are spelled with a "kv". 

Ill-fitting shoes

If you're not a seasoned ex-pat who moves from one country to another as a matter of course, or young and reckless without any baggage, making a significant move for the first time in your life can be a very interesting process.

I knew in advance that logistically moving to Russia would be a challenge; simply sorting out the paperwork is proving a bit of a marathon. And I have been both experiencing and anticipating the emotional fall-out for a while now.

Mad Dogs and Englishmen (women and children)

The summer heat is causing it to all go a bit pear shaped in the Brit Household. I have a routine that I like and enjoy which is as English as it gets which goes something like this.

12-5pm: (once I have picked them up from nursery) various activities with the boys, outside as much as possible preferably running them into the ground. Luke isn't really doing naps any more so it is 5 hours of fun fun fun.

5pm - I start thinking about dinner. The TV can go on from this point, but in reality comes on when I have had enough and everyone is starting to kill each other. This can be as late as 6.30 but usually is around 5.30pm. I use the respite to cook dinner when I can concentrate on what I'm doing and not having to worry about stirring a cheese sauce whilst simultaneously refereeing the latest fight and acting as activity coordinator and retrieving toys thrown too high for them to reach.

Anglophiles

When I was growing up, history, especially British history (Russian history came in a close second) fascinated me. The Kings and Queens, lines of succession, the customs, the pagentry, the castles, I wanted to know about it all. I had an old book from the 60s or 70s that listed the British Monarchs and gave details about each of their reigns. I read it cover to cover more than once. I did a research paper in 10th grade about Elenore of Aquitaine and was immediately smitten by her. Then I delved into more recent history, Churchill, Thatcher. Oh and Monty Python and Black Adder? Of course! I was a complete Anglophile.

You say potato

We conducted a thoroughly scientific test at dinner last night.  What was the American or British word for certain things?  The boys failed miserably on ‘pavement.’  They were convinced the British word for a path that you walk on was ‘sidewalk.’  The poor things have entered a world of confusion.  They can no longer remember if a word is British or American.

The same with the pronunciation of certain words. They can’t remember the correct way to say ‘garage’ and ‘taco.’  They sit and discuss it back and forth with each other.  “I think it’s tarco, no it might be taco.”

And the accents are slowly starting to change.  To Americans, they sound incredibly British.  At a baseball game recently, Declan was at first base waiting for his teammate to hit the ball.  He shouted out ‘Hit it to the heavens!’ to encourage his friend, but he sounded like a character from Brideshead Revisited and everyone started laughing.

Learning languages

ONE of the things our break back in the UK allowed me to do was to see how much learning a second language has affected the boys ability to speak English. We spent a lot of time with friends who have similar age children and it was interesting for me to compare their English linguistic developments.

Luke appears to have been the most affected. Aged 18 months when we arrived he is now 2 1/2. I've never really heard him say much in Bosnian, but understand from his teachers at nursery that it is at a basic level: Yes, no, won't, don't, mine. In other words all the most useful words for a toddler. His English isn't bad at all, but there is a definite difference between him and his English peers. Having said that, after 5 weeks in the UK where he only heard English led to the most remarkable advances in his language skills. Who knows whether this jump was due to occur anyway, or whether being back in England encouraged it.

Climate confusion

People flock to Australia for a variety of different reasons; whether it be affordable housing, a more relaxed lifestyle or work related opportunities... maybe even to escape demanding relatives… but the most common reason why we Brits move to Australia is because of the weather.

But as Australia is such an enormous landmass, the weather is extremely different depending on which State or Territory you decide to live in.

We arrived at the start of winter several years ago and our first stop was Adelaide, South Australia as we had relatives there and thought it would be a good idea to descend on them first - while we recovered from jet-lag and let them ferry us around and feed us etc.

We had visited Adelaide a couple of years earlier - but this had been in late summer, so the weather had been just beautiful. This time it was not the case…

 

The stages of cultural adaptation

I read a post on culture shock over at Almost American and had an "Aha!" moment. Several of them actually.

As I looked over the stages of emotional well being while being abroad for an extended period ... pre-departure ups and downs, the honeymoon, acute homesickness, and finally adaptation, I was shaking my head like Bill Gates at a meeting.

Yes, we always have loads of emotional ups and downs right before a big move. Some days I would cry because we were leaving family and friends, and others I would be so excited that I would have a smile permanently planted on my face.

This is not to mention everything related to the logistical part of the move -- giving notice, renting the house, packing, booking flights, etc. I remember having a working "to do" list with about 150 items on it (really).