I’m ready to become a mom. My pregnancy has been a wild, sushi and brie free ride of new understanding. I never pondered the ins and outs of pregnancy until I joined the club. I’d never heard of quickening, TENS machines, toxoplasmosis or perineal massage. I also never considered giving birth any other way than spread eagle on my back in a hospital bed, numbed by an epidural and probably shouting obscenity at my husband for impregnating me in the first place. Birth would be just like in the movies, right?