Prejudice by a three -year-old

I have been waiting for it for a while.  We get the bus home from school and nursery a few times a week and a couple have raised the kids interest.  Two high school students part company at the Bus Station and they fondly kiss each other goodbye.  The question was finally asked at the weekend "mummy, is that a boy or a girl?"  I
chose to avoid the question.  The couple are both girls.  I will probably have the conversation soon.  I think that these girls are very brave.  Hungary is years behind even the UK in such matters.  The last government was going to introduce civil partnership for same sex couples, alas not something the present incumbents would touch with a
barge pole.

The expected question did not come this week but I was surprised and disheartened that another kind of prejudice had crept onto the bus. Some slightly intoxicated men got on to the bus.  Magnus waited all of a minute or so before very loudly exclaiming "Cigany" much to my horror.  Cigany means Gypsy in Hungarian.  I think that it is becoming
a perjorative here, the equivalent of "Paki" in Britain.  I instantly told Magnus to be quiet and then attempted to explain that it was rude to say it.  The more I explained the more he repeated it.  I gave up and said that I would try and explain further when we got off the bus.

At home Magnus revealed that it had started at Nursery.  A classmate had came up to a Roma girl and said "Cigany".  She had got upset and Magnus had noticed this.  Obviously this had sown the seed.   The prejudice against the Roma in Hungary is insidious and all pervasive. It is said that you can put three people in a room and they will soon start talking about the "Gypsy problem".  The Roma are blamed for so many things.  This state of affairs was not exactly helped by Jobbik, the Hungarian equivalent of the BNP, only nastier, focusing on gypsy crime in their recent election campaign.  The fact that Jobbik went on to achieve 16%  of the vote and seats in Parliament is testimony to the widespread support of this view.

I appreciate that nobody is perfect and that as human beings we all have our faults.  The Roma are not saints, and neither is the average Hungarian.  That is the crux of the matter in my opinion.  The Roma are Hungarian, they have lived in Hungary for hundreds of years, if they were to go back from whence they came, a policy supported by some on the far right, where would they go?  I wish that everyone in this small country could live in harmony.  I am a dreamer I know.  I doubt this will happen any time soon.  If kids as young as 3 profess their parents prejudices then the circle will continue.  My kids are following despite my best efforts.  I am an outsider in Hungary but my kids are blending in just fine!

This post was written by Jo who blogs at Three Years in Hungary.

Comments

[Julia Simens]

Unanswered questions in Bangkok. We are at a beach restaurant and they cater for all of the people come in form the beach. The bathrooms are labeled, male, female and katoey.

Katoey is a male-to-female transgender person or some times they are called sao praphet song (second kind of woman).

I find it really hard to explain to my children since the only term that I can come up with is lady boy. I thought I was opened minded. I thought I could explain anything. I am a counselor by trade so talking come easy to me. Different behavior is a main stay of my business. I am at a loss of how to really explain this to my children without coming across so political incorrect and unkind. It is a new experience to us all. I did not want to sow a seed of prejudice so careful word choice was needed. It was an interesting conversation but just another example how how as parents we might never be ready to explain some things easily to our children.

Prejudice and not meaning to . . .

But four years later my children told me I did a good job. They appreciated my honest feedback and it helped them with friends they had encountered in high school.

[Amira]

Hi Joe,
This is the first time I visit your blog. I liked it a lot and love the idea of expats sharing their experience with others.
I am a freelance journalist based in the UK,and I am currently writing an article on British expat mums and the challenges of raising children in a foreign country as well as the experience of having Third Culture Kids.
I will interview British mums in various countries and I would like to add your views as well.If you are interested and will be happy to be photographed or supply your own picture if requested,please send me an e-mail :( amira_abozeid@yahoo.com).
P.S:It will just be an e-mail interview.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Regards,
Amira

[geekymummy]

Every day I'm so grateful to be in San Francisco. Same sex relationships are unremarkable to my kids (they have a gay preschool teacher, friends with gay parents, we have gay couple friends) and I hope they will always feel this way.

Sometimes I forget that the rest of the world has a lot of catching up do do, sitting in here this little bubble of tolerance!

[tamsyn]

facinating read! i am an english mum living in france with my 4 kids, and the cultural differences are very interesting, and fun to write about too. i will go and see if you have written any more now, and carry on reading quickly whislt little ones are asleep! tamsyn

[Jay]

I am a Mum who returned to Ireland after living in the US and the UK for over ten years. My husband is not Irish and my daughter was born in the US. So we are sort of an ex-pat family.

Regarding the prejudice issue. I have always tried to preempt such prejudicial situations with my daughter. For example I told her that sometimes men fall in love with men and likewise women fall in love with women. I first mentioned it to her when she was very young. This simple story sows the seed in her mind before anyone else gives their opinion to her. I hope that she will accept this as the norm! She is eight now and so far so good!!

Love this blog!